10 Things I Learned From Leaving My "Grown-Up" Job

"Hold on guys - which one is mine?"

Congratulations Graduate!!

Remember May? You ripped off your robe and threw up your cap to celebrate your first real taste of freedom. You enjoyed the slew of parties, binge drinking and awkward conversations with people your parents insisted on inviting to your graduation party, and now a bunch of people are getting ready to ship off to grad school, and a bunch more will be shipping off to careers they've had figured out since December. This post is not for those people.

This post is for you, person-whose-degree-and/or-career-choice-requires-significant-DIY-work-post-college. I was you, two years ago, and I was lost as all hell when it came to what I was going to do next.

Technically, I'm still figuring that part of it out, but along the way, I have learned a crap-ton about what NOT to do. So strap in, hold on, and get ready to hear about the three times I've left behind a "grown-up" job in the past two years. With any luck, you might be able to skip making a couple of these mistakes in your own life -- but, if we're being honest, probably not.

Life's all about the journey, right?

Pinterest Guilt: This Monster Must Be Stopped

Ladies and Gentlemen, there is an epidemic in this country. An epidemic of unrealized dreams, quashed ambitions, wages squandered chasing impossible goals. It is what keeps women up at night, what leaves infants to cry unattended in their cribs, what causes men to go bald ten years earlier. It is the scourge of our society, and it must be stopped.

What is this beast, you ask? I give you Exhibit A:

My feelings of inadequacy tripled simply by reading that headline.

You can read the entire article here, but you may become afflicted by the dreaded "why is this news" syndrome: eye rolling, name calling, lashing out irrationally at overly-nice strangers who sit with legs politely folded in perfect little dresses on slightly too-high benches on morning television (WHY MATT LAUER WHY???). You have been warned.

But back to the epidemic: as one mom says,

“We have a hard time enjoying our own experiences because we feel it’s not worthy of this invisible judge,” Andersen said. “It’s so easy to get depressed. You start to feel like your entire life has to be like a magazine all the time.”

Ah yes, that common overwhelming pressure to be perfect. I believe it's what my mother's generation called "Martha Stewart."

In all seriousness, it's not that hard to understand where these moms come from. I mean, just look at my friend Kadie's obnoxiously perfect Memorial Day BBQ:

Disgusting.

I know it's hard to believe from these pictures, but did you know Kadie is a professional photographer? (More importantly, did you know Kadie and I started a kickass blog together called The Art Abyss? You really should go check it out.) It's true -- and what's more, she happens to be a trained artist, with years of experience, no kids, a work-from-home job, a very supportive and very helpful husband (the rumors are they stayed up incredibly late the night before in order to get everything done), and - most importantly - this is the only party she has thrown in the last couple of years. Don't get me wrong -- I wish something fierce I could have hopped a plane and attended what looks like the best ding-dang BBQ party on either side of the Mississippi EVER -- but she didn't just roll out of bed with her backyard looking like that, and she certainly doesn't throw events like this on an everyday basis.

The moral of the story: MOMS OF THE PINTEREST, STOP FREAKING OUT. There will always be at least one actual real-life Martha Stewart in the world, but the reality is, most of us are sweating, scrambling, stressing, and stuffing all the junk we didn't get cleaned up in time into some back room before the party just as much as you. And that's really, truly okay.

Also, TODAY Show? Get a lower bench. Your news-conversationalists look ridiculous.

Seriously. Dumbest. Set. Ever.

Lightbulb Jokes Can Be Illuminating

Right before he declares he's done chasing lightbulbs on Facebook.

For more on the friendzone, check out the electrifying content here, here, and here. Intelligent commentary on the matter really just makes me all glowey.

13 Things I'm Going To Do In 2013

No, this is not a list of resolutions. Or maybe it is, but I'm not holding myself accountable to it. How about we settle on this being my stating my intentions? You hear me Universe?? Let's make this happen!

1. Paint my nails more often. I am quite possibly the worst ever at doing this, even though I love having painted nails. Perhaps the fact that I feel like I don't have time to give myself this little bit of pampering is proof that I need to SLOW DOWN -- and doing this is going to force me to do so.
2. Cook. Really, truly, actually cook, and start learning some new recipes. And doing it regularly, too -- none of this once-in-a-blue-moon stuff.
3. Design and sew some new clothes for myself, instead of buying. I made my Halloween costume for the first time since middle school last year, and it was quite possibly the best thing ever. There's no reason to restrict that joy to October -- and if I could make time then, I certainly can make time now.
4. Go hiking!! Preferably every other weekend or so -- I absolutely love hiking, and camping, and all that, and I pretty much never ever do it.
5. Learn to be really good at CSS. Yes, it will help me with my job, but it also is something that is wicked cool now that I've learned a bit about it, and I want to reach the level of the wizards over at the CSS Zen Garden.
6. Start casually expanding my German vocabulary. Practice with the Mr. to get comfortable using more phrases, and actually use those phrases.
7. Dance more, and practice a LOT more. Country Swing is not going to learn itself, and being able to show off on the dance floor would definitely be worth the extra effort.
8. Post relatively often in my blog. Yes, that means here.
9. Journal about it (no, not here), when I'm feeling all twisted up, instead of looking for a fight or numbing with food. And journal about it when I'm happy. Write down those memories and good feelings along with the bad.
10. Accept that I need to find doctors to take care of my grown-up self -- and then actually make and attend appointments with those doctors. I have health insurance, now I should use it!
11. Trust that my passions will show me the way - no more sitting around waiting for the right time, that time is NOW.
12. Not be afraid of telling people "No." No being willing to refuse something outright gets me in trouble all the time. If I'm going to run a business, I had better get this down pat.
13. Be willing to tell people "Yes." Right now my default is "Maybe," and that's weaksauce.

First Things First - Third Party Candidates Later

Every 4th of July, my family gathers around to watch the 1972 movie of the musical "1776." Over the years, its lines and lyrics, many of which are direct quotations from the founders' assorted writings, have become an entrenched aspect of my meditations on American politics. Over the last few weeks while discussing the upcoming election, one particular exchange between John Adams and Benjamin Franklin has been on my mind:

(Quoted lines start at 2:45, if you are low on time)

John Adams:

"Mark me, Franklin... if we give in on this issue, posterity will never forgive us."

Benjamin Franklin:

"That's probably true, but we won't hear a thing, we'll be long gone. Besides, what would posterity think we were? Demi-gods? We're men, no more no less, trying to get a nation started against greater odds than a more generous God would have allowed. First things first, John. Independence; America. If we don't secure that, what difference will the rest make?" (emphasis mine)

These lines mark the monumental compromise made by the first Congress regarding the legality of slavery, a decision that sowed the the seeds for the Civil War eighty years later, but allowed for the creation of the independent United States. Our history since is spattered such compromises, agreements struck between the abhorrent and the ideal. This Tuesday, I will be one of the millions of Americans making their way to the polls to decide, among other things, who will be the next president of the United States -- and I will have to accept a compromise in order to move forward.

'Etc.' Is No Jonathan Swift - How the Wildcat Cartoonist's Attempt At Satire Fell Flat

TRIGGER WARNING: The following post concerns a comic that discusses the murder of a person for their sexual orientation. I do not condone the content of this comic, or the decision of the newspaper to publish it. If you feel that this may be triggering to you or make you feel unsafe, please feel free to stop reading at any point. Thank you!

Procrastination: A Diet's Tale

Actually, I could have titled this post, "Procrastination: [Insert Relevant Topic Here]" - because let's be honest: my procrastination isn't just contained to a diet. Or my homework. Or my ::gulp:: blog posts . . . (sorry!)

No, procrastination has been my buddy through thick and thin, through grade school, high school, college, and beyond - and I have a messy bedroom, a bunch of unfinished projects, and roughly 40 pounds of extra body fat to show for it (not to mention the missing blog posts . . . oops!).

So why is this post about a diet, you ask? Two reasons:

This.

And This. (Okay the photoshoot actually happened second.)

And actually, one truly lovely evening out on the town with the positively lovely Gigi Verrey, the author of Okay, So I Got Fat, and a woman who I only hope I can match one day in class and strength of character. Gigi and I got to talking at the publishing conference we we were both attending. I've been meaning to switch over to whole foods and organic eating for a while, and I've been trying to lose weight since I first figured out I had a body somewhere around 6th grade . . . and even though I'm big on the body positivity these days and don't feel like I need to lose weight, I still would like to. Therefore:

I've started a health-and-exercise Tumblr. over here, where if you want, you can check out all my ups and downs and crazy experiences with working my way through Gigi's book, and probably through a workout or two along the way. Wish me luck!