Thursday, October 17, 2013

On Maria Kang, Fitsperation, and The Problem With Fitness Privilege

(This is a cross post from my personal health and body positivity Tumblr. Enjoy!)

Warning: LOTS and LOTS of swear words coming up. You've been warned.

Now let's get down to business.

image

There's already been a ton written about super-fit mom-of-three Maria Kang. If you haven't been living on the internet recently, you can read a decent summary over here. I understand her intentions weren't to shame people, and I think her accomplishment is amazing. I even think it's a great thing to set as a goal and pursue, if that's what you're into.

HOWEVER. (Let's pause before the following paragraphs to put a big ol' "IMO" in front of everything I'm about to say.)

Using "What's your excuse?" is an inflammatory, snarky, highly privileged and damn insensitive way for her to brag about her body, whether she means it that way or not. Imagine if this phrase were being used in other contexts -- say, c-section versus vaginal birth. Is it really appropriate for natural birth moms to ask c-section moms what their "excuse" was for having a c-section? Fuck no, its not. Ditto for breastfeeding v. formula, earning a good salary v. earning minimum wage, never having needed government assistance v. living on welfare. I'm sorry, but NOT EVERYONE'S LIFE IS THE SAME AS YOURS. You don't know what's going on with them; this is *not* your chance to shine as the enlightened city on a hill of fitness/birth/breastfeeding/employment/welfare, etc.

Asking "What's your excuse?" as a general question instead of directing it at a specific person/group doesn't make it much better. I mean, let's be real about this for a second -- if you're someone who struggles with body image and/or eating disorders, this is going to be some triggering shit for you. As someone who *has* recovered from bulimia and trying really hard to learn to love her body, this is HUGELY triggering for me. Even though she's not addressing me directly, that whole "YOUR" part really makes it seem like she is. Which then sends me down a whole bunch of nasty thought pathways -- shit like "See, if I wasn't so inadequate and just worked hard enough, I could be like her!" The entire appearance industry is based around feeding us poisonous gems like that -- as long as we buy in, we will be able to appear among the desirable elite.

Which gets me to the crux of the issue -- who is she (or anyone else) to say that looking other than she does is something to make excuses for?? There's a lot of different types of bodies out there; as the wise Sir Mix-a-Lot once said, "You ain't it, Miss Thang." And to contribute to the propaganda that anyone need make their body fit a certain aesthetic in order to not have to apologize/make excuses for it? I'm sorry, but when you do that, you deserve to be called out.

Quite frankly, if you're alive and capable of doing what you need to do to live, then your body is fucking perfect, just the way it is. That doesn't mean you can't have fitness goals, or find her athletic look attractive, or prefer one body type over another. Personally, I would love to live in a world where we all had glorious flat abs and perky asses - it would make clothing swaps so much easier! But asking "What's your excuse?" implies that my pale-as-hell, big-assed, big-breasted, more-belly-than-I'd-like, and able-to-run-a-5K-without-dying body is somehow *less* than her svelte muscle-icious form. And I am fully comfortable in saying Fuck That Noise.

To sum up, I know she wasn't trying to say any of the negative things implied by this image when she made it -- hell, considering we're still talking about it, it's worked out to be some damn brilliant marketing -- but there are lots of other ways she could have celebrated her fitness achievements without stepping all over other people's struggles. I'm thinking a variation on the Mastercard commercial:

"One wedding: $15,000.
Three babies in four years: 968,254,348 Minutes of Lost Sleep.
Finally being able to do a double-under and feeling great at 35: Priceless."

Too bad she didn't go with that.

66 comments:

  1. I couldn't have said it better, myself.

    I'm also a mom of three little boys. Her ad doesn't inspire me to get off my ass and do something about this gut. It inspires me to hide in the corner.

    Oddly, I can't be mad at her. The cuteness of her kids is very distracting. ;)

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  2. I read this by chance and have no clue who she is (well, now I have :)) - never seen this ad over here in Switzerland.
    But... very well said - we never know what situations are going on with other people, we don't know their life. And to say something like *what's your excuse* always implies that you're making up some stupid excuse not to get going with whatever really. It always blames. It's a way of immediately putting someone down. I know this way of speaking can encourage someone, but it can trigger BIG time for other people and in general? I don't know about others, English isn't my native language, but to me it's a way of saying this that would make me angry.
    As said - to some people it's motivating. I used to have a teacher who spoke just like that to the students and I found that from me he only got the stubborn *F.Y.* side because, the heck, I don't study for a teacher, I study for myself. His rude and down putting comments were not motivating at all and a *what's your excuse* would have been very typical for him.

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  3. You must be mad if you are offended. She is a "Miss thang!" My mother did the same thing when she had the 3 of us boys! This was before facebook or the internet. She just raised the bar! Try Harder!

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    1. Try harder for what? Eliminating grammatical mistakes and redundancy in your sentences? "You must be mad if you are offended." That's like saying "You must have jumped if you leaped." Why don't you try to raise the bar on your writing skills instead of spending more time on the pull-up bar. The author is correct in her assessment of the marketing. It would be similar to a wealthy person, standing in front of stacks of money, saying "what's your excuse?". I can tell you my excuse. I choose to spend time with my kids instead of taking them to a gym daycare. It's about priorities. Those kids will love their mother, flat tummy or not. They won't care how fit she is when they grow up. They will remember all the time they got dumped off at a sitter so mom could keep up with maintaining (what she perceives as) physical perfection. Thank you author, for pointing out the silliness that is this photo.

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    2. I too have 3 kids (7, 5 & 1) and can tell you that I don't have time for myself at this point in my life. Between the kids, keeping a household, and homeschooling, I'm lucky to get a shower twice a week. Try harder? If I had to try harder at anything it would be to keep my house immaculate and the laundry done. I would try to spend more time cuddling with my babies because there is never enough time for that as I would like.

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    3. Travis, much of your response to Christian was based on your perception that the word "mad" in this case meant "angry." I am sure that "mad" was being used in its other meaning as "crazy." So...no redundancy there.
      (And I don't agree with writer Christian at all, btw, but do feel compelled to point this out.)

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    4. I actually agree with Christian. People that got so butt hurt over this statement are the ones that don't feel good about themselves (regardless of what they look like) but can't find a good excuse as to why they haven't changed that. It's true that everyone is different and some have medical conditions that prevent them from looking like that, or maybe they have other priorities in their lives, which is fine. But don't get mad when someone with different priorities posts something like that. I have two little boys and in my opinion this statement and picture are very motivating. There should be no reason why I can't work hard to look like that if I really wanted to. Don't be a hater, be a congratulater :)

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    5. I love how Christian and Diana COMPLETELY missed the point of this whole thing. What are YOUR excuses for not being smart enough? (see what I did there? Isn't the rude? Do you understand now?)

      Christian: 'My mom did it, so you should be able to' is an idiotic statement and no different than 'what's your excuse (to not look like me)'. Unless you were born a biological woman, you don't understand how a woman's body changes with pregnancy, stress, aging, etc. No matter how 'hard' I try, I will never be 115 pounds and I will never have rock-hard abs. Why? I would be VERY underweight and genetically 'rock hard abs' is not in the code. Guess what? That doesn't mean I've failed to 'try hard enough'. Some women can bend in half and put the back of their heads against their ass. Some can't. Those who can't are not failures, Christian. They're DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Not everyone is the same. Stop saying stupid things on the internet and grow up, get with reality.

      Diana: Please read what I've quoted below:

      "I understand her intentions weren't to shame people, and I think her accomplishment is amazing. I even think it's a great thing to set as a goal and pursue, if that's what you're into."

      And now read it again. Slowly. Got it? Okay. Now that you have taken the time to digest and understand what you've read, will you explain to me how that at all sounds like someone who is 'mad' or 'crazy' or 'angry' or...however you meant. Where is this butt hurt you're talking about - other than yours of course.

      Guess what? There ARE reasons why you might never be able to look like that even with 'trying hard'. One word. GENETICS. Sound it out, I know you can do it.

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    6. At first I found this picture slightly motivating. It made me dig my heels in and try harder, but as time goes on and I know more and more about the woman behind it I can't help but shake my head at it a little. Whats my excuse? I have lost over a 100lbs in the past year and a half. I have walked, jiggled, and cried myself into a slimmer pant and guess what....when the world looks at me they still see a whole lot of lardass. When I reach my goal weight I'll still have wide hips, thick thighs, a massive bust (until I can save for a reduction) and over all a broad hourglass shape that will still probably be plus size. I will never have a completely flat tummy. I will never have perfectly toned arms. I'm ok with that. I am proud of myself and what I am accomplishing, I am happy for her and what she has achieved. What I am not happy about is the lack of sensitivity to other women. What I am not happy about is her blatant elitism. If you go to her website and read through it you'll find a stuck up twit under a thin veneer of "self-help guru."

      This world is so twisted and disgusting. We can not meet a middle ground, if you complain over something you are butthurt, if you don't complain about it you are a sheep. How about we all agree we don't give a fuck what any of the other thinks and go about our merry little way. I'll be fat and happy, you be skinny and happy. Everyone eat a candy bar and chill out.

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    7. Dee: Please read what I've quoted below:

      "People that got so butt hurt over this statement are the ones that don't feel good about themselves (regardless of what they look like) but can't find a good excuse as to why they haven't changed that."

      And now read it again slowly. Got it? No where in there did I say everyone in this world was butt hurt over this. But obviously you were. Also, no where did I state everyone needs to be 115 lbs and have rock hard abs to feel good about themselves. Believing something like that is just extremely closed minded. Your comment proves you to be one of those closed minded people by harsh response to Christian and myself for not sharing your views.

      Do not throw rocks at glass houses. You are the one that should "stop saying stupid things on the Internet, grow up, and get with reality." (Don't worry, I fixed your grammatical errors in that sentence. You're welcome.) :)

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    8. For the record, I am not butt hurt, but I'm a little pissed off. I do feel good about myself, about my life and my body and my choices. I need no excuses. I also need no entitled little %^&* to tell me or my fellow curvy sisters there's something wrong with us and we need one.

      Those of us who have come to body acceptance and even joy have often done so through a lot of cultural crap, and while it certainly doesn't make me love my amazing body any less to run into a little more, it makes me tired and discouraged--not with myself, but with the idiots around who think they should get to decide who's acceptable and who's not AND THEN INSIST ON TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT IT. Just annoying. And I'm absolutely going to call them on it.

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  4. I love the article and completely agree. "What's your excuse" is just rude. The funny thing is when I saw the picture I thought her body was ugly. She looks like a man with makeup....not feminine at all. When I see men with women who look like that I always think they are closeted homosexuals. Everyone has their on opinion. On a side note I will be using the term " Fuck That Noise" often. LMAO

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    1. Though I agree with the dislike of the image, there are a lot of very not-OK things in this comment.

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  5. And now I have to follow your blog. Found you via a friend's FB link, but this shit is too good to miss.

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    1. Hell yes, FluteItUp! Welcome aboard!!

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  6. Everyone really has to chill for a minute and look at his objectively. Use her success as inspiration for obtaining your own goals. The aim is make YOURSELF better than you are. It's not to make you into her. I agree that everyone's circumstances are different. Regardless of the circumstances, we all have the power within ourselves to improve ourselves. However, most us can always come up with a hundred excuses of why we can't try a bit harder. I can admit that I'm guilty of doing that many times. However, I continue to try harder thanking God that everyday I have is another day for me to improve myself.
    In this day of social media, the extremely successful are is always magnified....the super rich, the super fit, the super beautiful, the super smarts, the super moms, dads, or kids. 99.99% of will never fall in that category. RELAX.
    The person above saying that the mom looks like a man is being petty as well as insulting to the mom and to herself by stooping low in ridiculing others. You don't make yourself look good by making others look bad.
    Stop complaining on those that achieved success whether they are naturally gifted or worked very hard for their success. Learn from them, apply some of their experiences to your life, and move on. Life's to short to be hating.

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    1. The thing is, this post isn't hating, it's responding, which is allowed. I agree that the person saying Maria looks like a man is being petty - personally I think she looks gorgeous. But you're assuming that we all think looking like her should be a prime goal in our lives, and we just have to 'try harder' to be like her. That's a false assumption, and we're allowed to say why we think she's going about inspiring people the wrong way.

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    2. to be fair, hating is also allowed. :)

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    3. "What's your excuse?" Implies that there IS no excuse not to look like her. It's an asshole move.

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    4. again you're looking at it the wrong way. We all make excuses for why we don't do certain things. Don't look at it as "What's your excuse for not looking like me". Take it as "What's your excuse for not improving yourself". I'm not saying you should try to look like her. We are all different.....genetically, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I live by the following sayng...."Don't let the things you can't do stop you from doing the things you can do".
      If you can't run 5 miles.....walk 500 yards. If you don't have a job.....volunteer. If you can't save a million dollars....try saving $100.
      Your goal should always to be "the best you".....not to be somebody else.
      So......"what's your excuse for not being the best you can be"?

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    5. The problem is, women are conditioned by society that they have to be the perfect size 4. And by posting this picture with this particular message, Maria Kang is playing right into the stereotype of how a woman should look. The "What's your excuse" line is the capper. It implies that if you don't look like her (toned, fit, not fat) it must be because you are making excuses. "After all, I did it after having 3 kids in such a short period of time." There are millions of women that will never look like her. Genetics plays a big role in that. There are millions of others that won't for other reasons. But why should we women HAVE to fit an ideal? (I mean this is what this blog post is all about)

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    6. Kishi,
      Why should we assume that we are not already our best selves? Yes, that is exactly what you are saying "What's your excuse for not being the best you can be" says just that. It says, you are not as good as you can be, so what is your excuse? Same exact thing as assuming that someone is not fit enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough... in this case, you just rephrased it as "not good enough".

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    7. The big problem here is that you are incorrectly equating "better" with "thinner."

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  7. Yep. This, times 1000. I was just thinking today about how people seem to assume I'm always trying to lose weight just because I'm a bigger woman. Um, I am NOT trying to lose weight, actually. I'm trying to eat better, get more exercise and reduce stress, but weight loss isn't at the forefront of my mind all the time.

    Society is messed up.

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  8. I love your response. But why do we care what this woman puts on HER facebook page? She should be proud of herself. She's worked hard for that hard body. I'm not the least bit offended by that pic or the caption because SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME. What's my excuse for not looking like that? I'm 52. I work crazy ass hours. I'd rather ride my motorcycle than exercise. I don't have enough will power. All good excuses but frankly, I just don't give a shit about looking like that. Why is what she puts on HER facebook page so offensive? Don't we all have more important things to worry about than what some exercise obsessed woman we'll never meet, or be judged by, does? Be happy for her, and for yourself, that your not in her shoes right now, being judged and harassed by everyone who ISN'T her.

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  9. LOVE this post. thanks for keeping shit real ;)

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  10. valid response. but, can it be taken a step further? i get the whole eating disorder thing, believe me, i get it. going a step further - don't give her, personally, the power to go with the tagline - what's your excuse? i've gotten to the point where i stop (okay i TRY to stop most times) and realize someone like her only has power to influence me if i let it. turn her off, go to the next page, let it go. she's young, in love with where she is and thinks everyone should be able to attain the same. maybe they should. guess what? i choose not to. when my kids were that age - i spent time with them, and minimal time working out. my choice. it's not an excuse. take the power away from what's your excuse. followed by a big fat IMO <3

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  11. Hmmm I don't know about these 'love your body for what it is' responses. I don't think everyone needs to be aspiring to look like Maria but I have a real problem with 'overweight and unable to run a 5K without dying' being celebrated too. That's just unfit. And unhealthy. Sorry. There are so many people unhealthy and overweight these days yet suggesting exercise and healthy eating are taboo or the reserve of the 'privileged'.

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    1. The author's quote was actually "more-belly-than-I'd-like, and able-to-run-a-5K-without-dying". She did not say she was overweight, and she can indeed run a 5K without dying. The article isn't celebrating being physically unhealthy.

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    2. Judging a person's health at a glance is silly. Why don't people realize that? Bravo for the fitness nut, but where is the celebration of the women who's first priority isn't themselves? I personally would love to workout. I would love Me Time. However I put my own wants and needs behind those of the children I am busting my ass to raise. My priorities have to put them first and, quite honestly, I scarcely have time for 2 showers a week, let alone a daily workout and consequent showers. Who do I hire to cuddle with my kids, direct home school, keep up with the monster list of chores I have to keep this family functioning? Judging a person's "health" by their looks is just ignorant.

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    3. why do you have a problem with that? What business is it of yours? And don't start in with the medical burden thing, because it's a red herring. First off, it's becoming abundantly clear that type 2 diabetes has a genetic precursor, and yes, while obese people are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, they are also genetically predisposed to both, rather than the one causing the other.

      Apart from that, you have no idea WHY someone is overweight and unable to run a 5k without dying (and holy crap, I couldn't run a 5k back in high school when I was on three - five competitive sports teams at a time and weighed 115 lbs soaking wet).

      Some folks have invisible disabilities (I love, actually, that this new war on fat has basically made walking with walker, or using a wheelchair an INVISIBLE disability) that make exercise not only way more hard but actually dangerous. I, for example, am now an overweight user of a walker and a chair (dependent on circumstances) but three months ago, I was just some fat lady you'd infer was wrong to love her body they way it was. Loving my body was a struggle, partly because it was betraying me, and partly because of assholes who see overweight and relatively sedentary as automatically lazy and making excuses. Even folks who knew me well and had seen my body disintegrate were/are prone to this - putting the effect before the cause (weight gain, decreased activity, increased metabolic health issues). Including doctors.

      2 months ago I collapsed, trying to just operate like a normal 37 year old. I was a complete paraplegic for a couple weeks, but was fortunate to get prompt surgery and excellent post-surgical care and physiotherapy. Now I can ALMOST walk as well as I could before, but that's not well. It wasn't well then.

      And yes, I'd love to get involved with parathletics - I'll start training as soon as I get the go-ahead from my doctors - because I MISS being on sports teams, but this may also do more damage to OTHER areas of my back. Just because my S4/5 went first, doesn't mean the rest of my back isn't still super fucked up. I may never be able to be athletic again and I'd love to not be shamed for that. I'd love, if and when I'm walking around looking pretty normal, not to be treated like overweight because I can't run (or just not being able to run a 5k) is a moral failing. I'd love to not have to bring a walker everywhere just so people aren't assholes about how fast I move, how quickly I can get out of their way, how often I need to sit, or other things - and trust me, they'll blame it on my fat ass...

      It IS a privilege to "exercise" - even more so if you have three kids, because SOMEONE has to look after those kids. It's a privilege to have a body that looks like that, because genetics plays a role, external support plays a role, financial stability plays a role and luck (as in, not experiencing accidental injuries) plays a role.

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    4. This is kind of a straw man argument. The author never suggested any such thing.

      And even if it weren't...As a privileged person who lives in an area with good grocery stores and farmers markets (and has an income that can afford to shop at them) not an urban food desert, I am able to make healthy food choices. As a privileged person who works 3 part time semi-sedentary jobs but still has some leisure time to make other choices, I exercise when I can, which is a few times a week. I am technically "overweight" by the ridiculous one size fits all BMI standards. And I can't run a 5k without dying. (I can, however, belly dance multiple sets without wheezing and have definite strong abs under the layer of middle-aged softness that slightly obscures them. And I can conduct a 2 hour concert without flagging even slightly.) A gym instructor would probably call me "unfit," but I can do stuff she can't. (I know, because a couple of her have taken my belly dance classes. THEY are the ones dying by the end. What's their excuse?)

      So why not celebrate who YOU are, and don't assume because you have standards for what you think "fit" and "healthy" are and your life is able to accommodate them that everyone else has to have the same standards?

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    5. So, you realize that the fact that you prize health and fitness highly is part of YOUR value system, right? And not everyone shares your value system. And no one is required to share your value system. If other people don't make health or fitness a priority, that's their choice and no one else's business. Be the boss of your own underpants and leave everyone else's alone. Also, side note, it sounds like you'r conflating size and health-- it's possible to be fat and fit or thin and unhealthy. They don't go hand in hand.

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  12. It's absolutely rude, snarky, and condescending. I read where she "apologized" for it coming off as such, but she was really just making excuses. She said that she is not a fitness instructor. Instead she runs 2 business and doesn't have a nanny. Oh, the horror of not having a nanny! Well, after going to the website on that picture, guess what her businesses are? FITNESS! She even calls herself a fitness trainer/instructor several times. It's not like her 2 businesses are sewing and library research. As someone who is a single mother of a 2 year old that is in school full time, I really don't have the time. When I do get a magical hour of free time here or there, the last thing I want to do is spend it exercising. I'd rather catch the latest episode of Daily Show. I honestly feel that she went into that with an "I'm better than you" attitude. Seems a little obvious after looking at her website.

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    1. Her poor children. I wonder who watches them if not a Nanny? This woman spends so much time on herself there HAS to be someone caring for her kids.

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    2. You feel defensive about her pic and slogan, so you lash out by questioning her fitness as a mother. Do you realize that this is a typically misogynistic response? Shame on you.

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    3. See-- that's just it. You don't have time because between your school, your child and everything else in your life, fitness isn't the same priority for you that it is for her. AND THAT'S A-OK. Why are we all required to share the same values and priorities as this woman? We aren't, and that's what she really doesn't get. The question of "What's your excuse?" would not even arise if she were able to acknowledge that, "Hey, other people prioritize things differently. They don't need an excuse!"

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  13. Hello Kate. Bravo. We should be friends.
    http://holyshitimaparent.blogspot.com/

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  14. Love this blog! I do have to say, there is no way at all I could look like this woman. I could work out 23 hours a day and live on egg whites, but I still would be what could generously be called "Curvy." People pretend that weight/being ripped, etc. is solely a matter of choice and discipline. It is not. Wish it were, because I work hard and I'm still overweight.

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  15. I love this! You worded it perfectly! It took me years to lose my weight. Even after doing that, my stretch marks will never go away. I had severe pre-eclampsia & swelled to a dangerous weight & everything else. They were scared I might die. That sudden swelling, caused deep long stretch marks to appear. I had our son 8 wks early, via c/s. It took me a long time heal. When I started to work out, I realized that I would never have my same body & it took time to be proud of it. After our second son, it took awhile, but I was able to go out & walk & eat healthier & lose weight. I am the same weight I was in HS, but guess what? Those marks are still there! I am glad that she is happy, but I agree, it's the slogan, "What's your excuse?" that's the issue. There's this momentum of women coming together, telling one another to love themselves & then this picture & wording came along.

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  16. My response is simpler: "My excuse for what?"

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  17. To the whiners: Yeah right. I've seen what most people are eating who complain about their weight and claim they "don't have time" to get in shape. I've seen their grocery store shopping carts stuffed full of junk. It's very simple, take in less carbs than you are willing or able to burn. If you want to eat more, exercise more. If you don't like exercise, eat less. Easy. That kind of discipline doesn't require "more time." Stop eating food as entertainment to alleviate your boredom or anxiety. Stop stuffing your face and then blaming others who are trying to encourage you.

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    1. What people who eat because of anxiety are facing is a mental issue, and telling them not to do it is about as effective as telling a person with depression to stop being so sad. They need professional help, and sometimes they don't even realize it. They may not know how to change their lifestyle, or even realize what they're doing to themselves. And trying to encourage them to change could be detrimental, because they are apt to see it as criticism, which just adds to the anxiety.

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    2. We live in a society that equate "shame and pressure" with "encouragement and support". Here's the difference: "shame and pressure" usually inspire a person to save face by rebelling against this negative input. Shame and pressure are about the person shaming and pressuring- they are talking, they are acting, they are putting themselves in the place of power. "Encouragement and support" is largely silent. It's about listening to a person because you actually care about their experience and their personal processes. Encouragement and support is about stepping back and respecting that you don't know a person's internal workings or triggers or what will actually inspire them; instead, you acknowledge what *they* want, what *they* feel, and then you get out of their way. It's helping them process their own shit by being a sounding board, by placing them in the seat of power and keeping your opinions to yourself. Encouragement and support are humble. When a person is criticized, they usually react defensively to save face. When they are heard and honored and allowed to work through whatever they're facing, they get to make lasting change. So the question you have to ask yourself: do I want to see this person make a lasting change, or do I really just want to hear myself say wonderfully important-sounding things?

      Do you have the will power to be a humble supporter, or do you give in to the urge to be the powerful presser?

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    3. Translation: "Oh man, I saw this one person do this one thing once, and now I paint everyone with the same brush. Stereotyping and reducing people down to one trait about themselves, which I am then free to pass judgement on, is so much easier than critical thinking."

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  18. Two things: 1. A man would never do this. Imagine a fit husband in some tighty shorts squatting over his kids? Ummm....no. Men wouldn't go for this either, so it's no surprise that women don't! 2. I'm inspired by the pictures of moms finishing races and the kids are holding up cute signs and the hubby gives her a big kiss. That's inspiring fitness to me. And in that scenario the mom isn't using her kids as a prop.

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    1. Finishing a race shows actual fitness, which this picture just shows thinness, which may or may not be related to fitness.

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  19. This little marketing snippet was insensitive and effective; everything you said was spot on. I poked around her website for a minute and she simply strikes me as a person who's had to deal with a certain scope of health issues and has not had the experience nor education (formal or informal) to think outside of that box.

    Some indirect take away: I know it's not likely, but I hope people look at this and think, "Hm. My reasons are X, Y, and Z, and those are my circumstances/choices. Hell yeah!" and then walk with their heads high. I think everyone has a reason to stride through life believing they are 100% awesome, not feel the need to make excuses for not looking like Ms. Kang.

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  20. Did we all see this, by the way? Awesomeness...
    http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/

    (A few of these women look a lot like me:-) )

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  21. Why is this causing an upraor?
    She is posing the question to the people, like me, who want to lose some pounds, but do nothing about it. We are great at eating badly, but promising to change that habit tomorrow, or when that new tub of ice cream runs out, we won’t buy it again.
    But we do. We are the people that have no kids, no health concerns, and correctly, no excuses for our failures.
    No one should be offended by her ad. To the lady thinking men who like fit women are homosexuals, you should be pretty ashamed of yourself.

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    1. Wow. So, don't should all over me and I won't should all over you, OK? You can't actually tell somebody they should or should not be offended. It's just not how offense works. Shoulds aside, I don't understand why I need an "excuse" to live in my body. My body might not look like hers, but it does everything I ask of it and I think it daily for it's ability and service.

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    2. You missed my point. You 'should' not be offended, because you do not, as you say, need an excuse to live in your body.

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  22. this woman and ad are not insensitive. this is not to shame people or embarrass them. be more educated.. (i am also NOT implying that everyone doesn't know anything) but this is your shadow side not liking something in yourself that you are projecting onto others and then blaming them. admit your faults because we all have them. truly look into yourself. if it is weight you want to loose.. start with your diet and understand FULLY what is it in and where it comes from. just because you think your cows and chickens are grass fed and not in a cage does not make you a good person who is 'trying their best' or doing all that you can do.. and its not your fault. this isn't the first time that the question has been posed to the public of what is your excuse. its just to put out there that you should try your hardest to obtain the goals you want to achieve. her body/lifestyle is not meant to be compared to.. just to show that dedication gets results-in whatever area you choose. its not the size of your jeans that is sexy. its how much you love and respect your body. that will always shine through and be obvious to anyone. just please.. don't blame others for their success. always act out of love no matter what. get to know yourself better..seriously the good and the bad. and have respect for those who try.

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    1. No, you just missed the point. No one is shaming this woman for being fit and being proud of it. Honestly, it's a great accomplishment and she has every reason to be proud. However, when she chooses to use a "YOU" message ("What's YOUR excuse?") instead of an "I" message (for example, "Three kids and still looking and feeling great!" would've been completely benign and unoffensive), then her message becomes one of comparison, with the implication that she's doing it right and YOU are just making excuses.

      I don't need an excuse to live in my body. And I don't really appreciate this woman, from her place of privilege, implying that we should all have the same values and priorities, that we all have the same body type and genetics, and that we all have the same access to resources and support networks that she does. It's narcissistic, to say the least, and there was no reason she had to compare everyone else's bodies to hers. She could've just been proud of herself, and it would've been supportive all the way around.

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    2. Resources? Support networks? You mean the fresh produce isle at the store?
      You mean some second hand dumb bells from a yard sale?
      Eating healthy and simple high intensity workouts (e.g. Tabata) will get anyone in shape.
      Obviously not HER shape, but the ideal shape for you.

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    3. http://alden-tan.com/no-excuses/
      natalie you should not say i missed the point. i merely copied exact words that others have posted such as shaming and insensitive.. to hopefully catch their attention and let them see another perspective. this is not about missing anything. i only see that you are implying that your opinion is in fact the correct one. when in all reality there is no one point. if you look at the link i posted it is about many people overcoming obstacles.. and to be proud of that.

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  23. Amen! I don't need an excuse to live in my body, thank you very much.

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  24. Yes, of course. Since she looks like that, she MUST be 'exercise obsessed', and lets add a terrible mom to it because she MUST spend all her time in the gym and not cuddling her precious babies. Oh PLEASE! The people that 'get it', understand that you don't find time for exercise and proper nutrition, you MAKE time. Get up an hour earlier. Instead of sitting on the couch watching tv at 8pm when your kids are in bed, do some burpees, sit ups, squats or push ups during the commercial breaks. You can fit in exercise anywhere if you really think about it. You don't have to slave away on the treadmill for an hour. You can do a very effective HIIT or Tabata session in less than 15 mins without any equipment or weights.

    Google is a wonderful resource, and it's FREE. Not sure what Tabata or HIIT means? Google it. Not sure what the right foods are? Google it. Seriously, you don't have to look like her, but stop making it sound like she's taking time away from her children to make her health a priority. If there's a will, there's a way. And I honestly find it hard to believe that anyone offended by her, DOESN'T have some sort of body image issue. If you truly love yourself the way you are, (and that includes how you feel on the inside, not just the outside), then this would just be another blip on your screen, and you move on.

    I am a busy mom of 2 girls under 4. I prep my food for the next day after they are in bed. I go to the gym and - *SHOCKER* - take advantage of the daycare there. Don't we all deserve a little time to ourselves? Is 1 hr a day too much to ask? I'm not taking precious time away from my daughters, they are getting wonderful social time with their friends at the gym. They love it, look forward to it. I could choose to stay at home all day and keep them all to myself, but I don't. I let them engage with other children their age, run around and read stories, and exercise with the wonderful staff at the gym. And if you can't afford a gym membership, then take them to the park and run around with them. Anyone can find the time, you just have to apply it. But then again, no one can make you do anything except yourself. YOU are in charge of your life. YOU are in charge of your body and what you do with it. YOU are in charge of what you put in it. And only YOU can make yourself feel inferior. Like Eleanor Rosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without YOUR permission".

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  25. I've got three sons--27, 23, and 17. The way I figure it, I'll be thrilled if I get back to the pre-preganncy weight by the time my youngest graduates next June. Not easy when you have a baby at 44...

    But what's my excuse? No excuse--my happy "reason!" Been too busy raising children into young adults,taking care of parents and grandparents, writing and illustrating children's books, being on the PTA, cooking a meal now and then (mostly THEN ), enjoying great meals with friends (mostly NOW) and celebrating life. Yeash, I try to work out once in a while. Yes, I sometimes watch my diet more closely than others.

    But I want to ask--what is YOUR excuse, young lady, for spending so much time worrying about great ABS when there are far more important things to spend time on? What? If you need to ask, then you will never get it.

    OH. And talk to me when you hit 55...

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    1. 1. Working out and eating right does NOT mean one is 'worrying about great ABS'. Working out and eating right means having more energy to keep up with my young children. It means sleeping better. It means feeling good on the inside with no more gall bladder or digestive issues. It means strengthening my back because I suffer from scoliosis. Bending over without pain is possible now. It means not suffering from post-partum depression anymore because of mood-boosting endorphines that are released during exercise. It means having more self-confidence now than I ever had, even when I weighed 20 lbs less. I have more strength now, therefore more muscle, therefore more lean, even though the scale is a bigger number than pre-pregnancy. It means feeling good about myself so that I can be a great wife to my husband, and having more confidence in the bedroom. I can't think of better reasons to exercise and eat right.

      2. I have a few friends who compete in fitness competitions and they are 50 and over. It's not about vanity as so many outside of the fitness world think. It's about dedication. It's about hard work. And it's about pushing yourself to find out your limits. I have to wonder if anyone criticizing Maria Kang, would have the same attitude towards a treasured Olympic champion. Or better yet, a Para-Olympic champion. Or an IronMan competitor. They are dedicated. They push themselves to the limit. And they certainly put in a lot of hard work. And they are just regular Joes and Janes doing what they love. They have families. They have jobs outside of their fitness. And they make time.

      Unfortunately, so many people who don't make fitness a part of their normal daily lives, look at it as a form of torture. I look at it as something I love. I don't do it because I want washboard abs, or to get attention from strangers. I do it because I love it. It makes me feel good. And no, I haven't been an athlete all my life. I'm 35 and just started last year after the birth of my youngest. One of the best decisions I've made. I still spend hours of quality time with my daughters. They are loved, and they know it. Just because a woman wants to work out, doesn't mean she is taking time away from her children.

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  26. Love your observations and especially the Mastercard idea. You know, I think if people answered that "what's your excuse?", the person asking would be shocked at some of the battles people face. We all have "excuses" and sometimes straight up mountains that for whatever reason we cannot mentally or physically climb at the moment. And that's okay.

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  27. First thing I thought when I saw that picture was what a shame you felt it was more important to spend time working out than time with your three beautiful babies. Each to their own I guess.

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